Transfer #2 TWW Journal
March 30
Today was my 1st day doing the heparin injection on my own, along with the usual Ovidrel, and for some reason the needle did not want to go in on my left side at all with either injection. The heparin hurt so bad after, like the burn and the sting of it. It sucks! I can't imagine doing this for at least 10 more days. I might have to bust out the numbing cream.
Saturday, April 3rd
I am 5 days past my 4-day transfer. I have no idea how I feel. I feel like I have zero symptoms, and I don't know what to make of it. Besides that dull stabbing pain in my right side, some mildly tingly boobs, and some bloating, I feel nothing. My cervix has that sore feeling sometimes but nothing major. This could all be from the progesterone. The last two times I had an embryo implant, I felt the implantation and that pulling feeling in my uterus. So, I don't know what to think now. I'm trying to remain optimistic, though. Luckily, we are on a family vacation this weekend in Busan, so I am staying busy. I'm definitely still feeling much better and staying way more active than my last transfer. I just pray this transfer is the one 🙏.
My injections are still not going that great. I don't know what the problem is, but I look like I have spider bites all over my stomach from every injection site scabbing and bruising!
Monday, April 5th
I am 7dp4dt. I am starting to kind of feel the pulling and nagging feeling on my right side, which to me, is a good sign. I also have been having uterine twinges and flutters for the last few days. I'm really hoping all of this is good! I'm nervous that I could have another chemical. But I'm feeling way more positive this time around. I can't help it. I just feel like this is our baby!! Our little Langston. I pray I'm right.
Overall, I still feel good. Besides my boobs becoming a little more sore and tingly, the uterine twinges, and the full feeling, I don't have any symptoms.
I took a pregnancy test at 1:10am, and it was a faint positive. I had last had the .2ml of Ovidrel about 36 hours before taking the test, so there should've been no HCG from the injection left in my system. I believe .2ml equals 200iu and should be out of the body within 6-8 hours. I think it's around 1,000 iu a day, is how fast the body processes hcg, and hcg has a half-life of about 28 hours. At around 1 am, I would be barely 11dpo, maybe still considered 10dpo at that time, since my transfer was done in the afternoon. So, I think it being faint is okay. But, I'm definitely expecting the tests to darken a lot more over the next three days. My first test from my first transfer, at 8dp3dt (11 dpo), was also faint, and while they progressed, it wasn't by much. I feel like I'm at a weird turn right now. I just want a clear positive. I don't know if I will ever actually have a moment when I feel secure and confident since I've had the two losses. I'm nervous for everything. I should be excited right
now, but I'm just nervous and cautious. My feelings are clearly mixed. In my heart, I feel like this is it, but I still have major doubt in my mind.
I will test again either late tonight or sometime tomorrow.
5:30pm
Today I experienced increased heart rate and hot flash. I'm not sure if this is a related symptom, but I'm noting it. My heart rate was at 95 resting. That's pretty high for me, and it was definitely uncomfortable.
April 6th
My tender nip nops and tingly boobs are increasing. I woke up to the pulling, stretching, and nagging feeling. Other than that, I feel great! I'm going to test again around 1 am so that the tests will be comparable. It will be the same amount of time between Ovidrel shots and taken exactly 48 hours apart. So, I should be able to see progression if there is some. I'm nervous, but I really need to know.
April 7th
1230am
I went ahead and took my second test, and now I really don't know how to feel. I was feeling so confident. I expected my line to be much darker. It doesn't help that I see so many other people's tests and see how dark their lines are. Am I in the same exact position as last transfer??? Wtf is wrong with me??? Let me back it up a bit.
The test is still positive, and it's darker than the other day, but I don't think it's as dark as it should be for 12/13 dpo. I have no idea. I really needed some reassurance with a strong positive. This is such a scary and torturous process. I feel so defeated and broken. I don't know how to be strong and go through another loss. I can't believe I allowed myself to get so hopeful and optimistic. This wasn't like the last two times where I felt like it might not work or something was wrong. I felt this was it, so this is an absolute slap in the face. I hate my feelings right now, and I wish I could turn them off.
12:15pm
I did a 4 hour urine hold and took another test. It is more faint than the last 2. I'm so upset. How is this my reality? I hate this. This basically confirms another chemical. Wtf is wrong with me?
April 8th
I'm shocked. I'm pregnant! I will get my beta numbers tomorrow morning. But the urine test in my Doctor's office was looking darn good today! I'm staying cautious, but gosh darn it, I'm excited!! I'm believing this is definitely our time!
April 13th
And just like that, the IVF rollercoaster plunged down the 200 foot 90-degree drop. Another chemical pregnancy. My first beta came back at a dismal 13, and by yesterday it had fallen to 1. So, I can finally stop all medications and wait for my cycle to start. I don't know what I could do differently. At this point, I am scared to transfer our last embryo! Why do they keep implanting but not continuing to grow?
My Doctor still feels optimistic. I am a hopeful person, so I know I'm not out, but I don't know how fast or easy this process will be anymore. I knew it would be challenging, but not this bad. I don't think I was prepared for partial successes. Either it worked, or it didn't. I feel like I keep getting dragged through the mud. I get a positive, it gets darker, I get a little excited, and then BAM!
I think for my mental health, I need to start focusing on my overall health (diet & exercise) and start planning/gearing up for IVF round 2 in a few months. I will obviously move forward with my next transfer, but I mentally and emotionally can not put as much stock in it as I have been.
Hope for the best, but expect the worst.
